ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
