I love black thongs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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