she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
