I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
