Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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