I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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