I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Even my vagina gasped.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
