I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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