Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
