Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
