I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
