Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
