I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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