Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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