he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
