We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
