I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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