I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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