so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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