i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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