That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
