Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
