sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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