You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
