He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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