i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to fling myself into the sun
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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