no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
