God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
