Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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