So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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