Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
