just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
