do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
