I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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