So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
