Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize