We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
