Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
