he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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