Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
