please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
