The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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