You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best revenge is premature balding
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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