"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
