I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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