I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
