Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
