Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
