For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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