you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
