No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
