We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
