So drunk its hurt
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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