sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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