Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I smell stomach acid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
