So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
