but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
