Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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