I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
