Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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