He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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