I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
