Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
