that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
