Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
