PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.