That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
then he tried to convert me to islam
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.