I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.