i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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