Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
smell my finger.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch